Well friends I made it back safe and sound to La Paz. It was a miraculous journey that had no flaws. Crazy. I still can't believe it. I was blessed.
My break was full of rest, fun memories with people I love and one last time packing for a 6 month journey( Needless to say I will not be sad about saying goodbye to planning holiday crafts and American snacks 5 months in advance). But after a few rough days of transition I am happy to be back at "home".
Home is a strange word. I have especially realized that living overseas. The last time I lived in a place without "vacationing" back home was about 5 years ago. So strange. My boring dream now is to live in a place that is my own. To have dishes that are not my roommates or left by someone else. TO be able to hang things on the wall without thinking I will have to take those down soon enough. To have a closet I can fill up and not have to worry about packing it all up in 6 months. A place where I can leave when I want, but still have the option of staying and being perfectly content. I think I am turing into a boring grownup, but I am okay with that :).
As I turn into a boring grownup I have been realizing a few things. I have been reading a book that talks about the masks we wear as women. The mask of being strong, or perfect. Responsible and having it all together all the time. Let me tell you, I think those suckers are being ripped right off. I am angry but glad all at once. However, the most interesting thing I have read so far (only half way through) is how we so often identify ourselves with the "bad" Bible characters. In the story of Mary and Martha we so often link ourselves with Martha, who is not really bad, she just tries to love people and Jesus in her way. Jesus didn't condemn her like it is so often perceived but he just told her to calm the heck down and rest.I think we all need that. I'v seen a lot of people crash and burn, myself included, because we try so hard to please everyone and be the best. We plan for what our own lives should look like and then it gets thrown in the teacup ride. Life is funny like that, so unexpected and yet always better in the long run.
The other character she talked about what the prodigal son. Not really the son, but the brother who is so pissed because his brother gets all the attention. As the oldest, I get it. Watching other people get the attention you want or feel as if you deserve. Not only does this happen within families, it happens at work, friends, you name a group of people it is probably happening there too. But I think my favorite part of her interpretation is when she says we don't have to be either. We can identify with the father. The one who has unconditional love, the one who doesn't care about the mess of the situation. He gives everything to both sons, just in different ways. We have everything we need and we can either be cranky about it or we can recklessly spend it until we come back broken. It's not easy and I am sure in about 10 minutes I will be frustrated someone else got something I wanted or something I think I deserve. It's just reassuring knowing that's not how it has to be. I don't have to be the "bad" character or really any character at all. I can be me, hot mess Sara, and be reassured that I have everything I need and now I can try to rest and celebrate in it.
I hope you are able to rest and celebrate as well!
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