Valentines day has always been special to me and my beautiful mom is the reason. Every year we would wake up to find presents on our bed, put on our new valentines themed shirt and head of to school with our glittered valentines in tow. As I got older cranky people started to ruin it. People if you are reading this and you are one of them, get over it! This is a day to eat pink cupcakes and hug people you love the most and maybe even the ones that drive you a little bit crazy!
We had a full day of activities which included conversation hearts (I was able to find them over Christmas vacation, I have gotten really good at planning ahead!), sweet notes to encourage each one of our friends, and then some much needed recess to run off all of the sugar that was consumed!
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| She was a little freaked out that it said "Kiss Me" |
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| Some Valentines Math! |
This year I am learning more about what a fun age 4th graders are at. They are not all the way gone into the stinky land of hormones but they are definitely getting sassy. They are not sure what to believe, what they want to admit out loud in front of friends, and are beginning to ask the hard questions. I think I might be a 4th grader at heart.
It was my turn to teach chapel this Friday and I told the "love story" of Isaac and Rebekah. While the 5th graders were freaking out about love and how it is "sooooo gross!", the 2nd and 3rd grade classes were questioning the strange behavior of the 5th graders, and my sweet 4th graders were not sure what to think. Later, we talked about it and I got a lot of embarrassed glances, hesitant questions about the purpose of Valentines Day, but mostly a lot of quiet friends who were not quite sure what to think. With their responses it made me really question why we celebrate and what love really is.
There are so many different things to consider when talking about giving and receiving love. The last few months I have been really wrestling with what love really is. What does it mean to have friends love you well? What does it mean to have family love you well? What does it mean to fully understand the love of God? And and even bigger question, what does it mean to give that love back to others?
I have been having lots of conversations and reading a lot of books that have been connecting this idea of love and struggle. The idea of giving everything you have to serve and love our God. When people disappoint you how are you going to respond to them? How will you handle the relationships and pain that may have been caused? How will we be able to see the love of God in every situation we may be in? How do we show grace? How do we find that group of people to love and love back?
This morning as I was reading in Zechariah and the beginning of the Psalms, I think it hit me. We do the same thing to God. Throughout the Old Testament He gave exactly what the Israelites needed and he told them exactly what to do to, how to show their love back and they still couldn't do it. Instead of apologizing, they questioned how God was loving them. Can you imagine? Being God and having people tell you that you basically suck? I know it is hurtful to me when people do not respond the way I wish they would and even the disappointment of not meeting my own expectations but I can't even imagine what it is like to know you did things perfectly and people still doubt you. I guess I have known this truth for a while but today it broke my heart. Today my heart felt the pain of my friends, the frustration in myself, but most importantly I got a closer look into God's character.
The more I kept reading the more I kept thinking there has to be more. I can't just see the hurt, I have to be missing something. Something bigger, and even better. Then I started to see it, even though the Israelites were not loving God in the way he deserved or the simple ways He wanted them to He still continued to forgive them. Yes, he would create destruction and there were consequences to their actions but he didn't wipe them out. He didn't destroy the evil that the world had become. He didn't throw his hands up and say forget it, I will make something better. He fought for his people. He put up with their crap and He gave them everything even while knowing they were going to turn their backs on him agin. He didn't give up. That is what grace is. That is what compassion looks like. Pouring out everything you have without expectation. Simply out of love. I don't know about you, but that is who I want to be. I want to be someone who can love others so well that we are to get a glimpse of what it means to be loved by God. Trusting through it all that it is enough. I am not sure how to get there but that is my prayer. I have hope in that promise.
The more I kept reading the more I kept thinking there has to be more. I can't just see the hurt, I have to be missing something. Something bigger, and even better. Then I started to see it, even though the Israelites were not loving God in the way he deserved or the simple ways He wanted them to He still continued to forgive them. Yes, he would create destruction and there were consequences to their actions but he didn't wipe them out. He didn't destroy the evil that the world had become. He didn't throw his hands up and say forget it, I will make something better. He fought for his people. He put up with their crap and He gave them everything even while knowing they were going to turn their backs on him agin. He didn't give up. That is what grace is. That is what compassion looks like. Pouring out everything you have without expectation. Simply out of love. I don't know about you, but that is who I want to be. I want to be someone who can love others so well that we are to get a glimpse of what it means to be loved by God. Trusting through it all that it is enough. I am not sure how to get there but that is my prayer. I have hope in that promise.
My head has also been stuck in Galatians 6:18
"and let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. So then as we have opportunity let us do good to everyone and especially to those who are of the household of faith."
This Valentines day was hard. I missed waking up to a present that was picked out with love especially for me. I missed being around those who have loved me through it all. I missed being around those people who show me how much they love me by simply listening and responding. Not because they have to but because they know me, they know what I need. Then I was pleasantly surprised.
"and let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. So then as we have opportunity let us do good to everyone and especially to those who are of the household of faith."
This Valentines day was hard. I missed waking up to a present that was picked out with love especially for me. I missed being around those who have loved me through it all. I missed being around those people who show me how much they love me by simply listening and responding. Not because they have to but because they know me, they know what I need. Then I was pleasantly surprised.
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| My sweet stubborn friend. |
My friend brought me a flower.
This friend creates a new challenge almost every day. He is pushing me as a teacher. He drives me a little crazy every day and he knows it. But I still love him. On Friday, he showed me grace. He showed me how much a small action can do for someone. I don't imagine he thought about how much this flower would brighten my day, but it did. I don't think he thought it we be used to show others how kind he is, but it did. I didn't have to tell him how to love me, he figured it out. He showed me God's love. He reminded me of what not giving up on doing good means. I am so thankful for this friend. I am thankful to be in 4th grade. I am most thankful for small glimpses into God's love, even if it has to come with a little heartache.
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| It got a little wilty during the day :( |
